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- cross-posted to:
- [email protected]
Yeah relatable. Someone needs to release a bar socialization guide for us to follow.
A lot of my friends worked in the bar and restaurant industry over the years and I’ve spent a shit load of time in bars. I’ve had several bars that were my regular haunts for a few years at a time, and I’ve gone through a few completely different sets of, like, “bar friends” over the last 25 years. (One of the “bars” was more of a bar/coffee shop where I drank way more coffee than booze, mind you, but anyways…)
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don’t sit in the corner. The bar is where it’s at.
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talk to the bartenders a bit. Ask about the local scene. Any events going on? If it’s a sports bar, ask about any PPVs coming up if they do that sort thing. If it’s a music bar, ask if they have any good bands coming up or if there’s open mics or whatever. At a minimum that starts up a conversation for a few minutes and gets the ball rolling. Of course, if the bar is being slammed, don’t just pester the bartender like a jerk, they still have other customers and a job to do, but part of their job is getting folks to come back. Repeat business is generally better business, and if you ask about what’s coming up in the future, you’re showing interest in coming back.
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go a few times over the course of a few weeks. People will probably start to remember you.
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any activities at the bar? They have dart boards? Pool tables? Open mics? I’ve sucked at darts and pool but I still played ‘em, and even played in some dart leagues, and no one really cared that I wasn’t particularly great ‘cause neither were they — it was all just an excuse to get out of the house for a bit.
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the music scene is where I landed in the end. That’s been the last 15 years for me, really. It all just started by showing up, asking about shows, “any good bands coming up? What are the Bluesy Jazzies like? I’ve never seen them before, they worth the cover?”
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don’t limit yourself to bars. Coffee shops, table top game stores, go bowling, whatever. It’s all really just about talking to people, starting with the chitchat, making inquiries, getting involved in some activities. Eventually you’ll be socialized as fuck.
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Find a dive bar and go at the same time/times every week for at least 8 visits. You’ll know it’s a dive bar if it smells like the beer has soaked into the walls and floors and someone offers you a bump of coke in a bathroom that’s too small for two people. You will absolutely make friends but they might not be the best influences on your life. They’ll be really loyal and probably kinda funny though.
Bonus: if you’re gay, the guy offering you a bump will usually also blow you in said too-small bathroom.
What if I’m not gay, will he still blow me?
Of course he will, senator!
See that’s the wrong idea, meeting people in bars can be creepy and dangerous. For everyone alone that want to meet new people go for some classes or groups. In anything that you think interesting. Learn a new language, join a dance class, theater class, matial arts, Hiking group, advocacy, do some charity work, learn some obscure sport like disk golf, go do some larping… whatever floats your boat. Don’t go for things you don’t already like a bit, like if you are an indoor person don’t go for hiking, it can get old quick. This are the nice and cerified ways to meet new people without being awkward
There are lots of people who go to bars who aren’t creeps. I have several friends I can trace back to meeting while out drinking, and others from other activities like some of the ones you described. No need to shame people who socialize at bars
You are right! It wasn’t my intention, I corrected. But I’m a woman so that’s a real thing for us a lot of times
Yeah I get that, best to mitigate safety risks by going with others you already know, but that certainly defeats the purpose of this thread
not necessarily creeps but definitely true that bars are great if you wanna make friends with elderly alcoholics
Where can I find a drinking alcohol, making comments about sports that I stole from the internet, and playing so-so darts, class to sign up for?
That’s why you drink alone for 6 hours and hope that someone talks to you.
It’s October. Just meet some cool people at a pumpkin patch.
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You have to be willing to walk up and introduce yourself, and also willing to deal with the risk of rejection. That fear of rejection piece leads people to make decisions that protect their egos but also leave them lonely or isolated
Simple but not easy…
Maybe paint ball instead? Shoot someone in the neck and you’ll get a great story and an easy ice breaker.
Honestly Starbucks is a better bet. Make sure you bring your phone chargers.
DON’T go to the corner. Sit at the bar (or lean if there’s no stool). You have to be seen to be acknowledged else they’ll think you want to be alone - bar knowledge #2.
Was about to comment this. When I was a young guy, that was my go-to when I was new in town. Make friends with the bartender, letting them know what you’re up to, and if they know of any work. Maybe make some friends, connections. Graduate from bar to board game night. Move out of the shelter into an apartment. A-bing a-bang you got a job, a nascent friend circle, and a place to lay your head at night.
Aragorn was seen though
But not approached - he was the one who approached Frodo.
I think if you’re going to sit alone in the corner of the bar and drink, you need to be wearing a cloak
And have at least one quest and a small bag of gold coins with you for when the adventurers act like you’re not all here to do adventuring stuff for fun
Any advice given is going to completely ignore the underlying causes of this situation.
I wonder why no one suggested yet to just go to a group that looks cool and say “hey, I’ve come here alone and want to meet people, would you mind if I join you?” and the answer will almost always be a resounding “yes” and you will be adopted.
Unless you’re an asocial nitwit that spends free time on image boards
No, actually, the answer will still be the “yes”. However, what happens after is by no means guaranteed and I’ll make no comments on.
I can almost see how they come to a group of people and challenge the biggest dude to a challenge of alphas to get al feeeemales, or whatever latest brainrot image board convinced them the human interaction is.