A professional painter told me once: I won’t start painting until your wife is okay with the color samples. Then he proceeded to paint 3 different color tones and brush patterns. She made the choice. When the painter was done, she still didn’t like it but didn’t dare tell him herself… Of course the whole shit was painted again in plain white a few years later.
I’ve been married a long time. The secret is that I never make any decisions. But even with that half the time I still get blamed when something fucks up
I got blamed for a hair that was found in food. I’m bald. 😬😬😬
LOL. Not bald but my hair is black and her’s is blonde. But a few times a stray blonde hair was found and of course it was mine.
only half the time? You are married for less than 25 years!
LOL. Can’t tell you how many times I sat there shaking my head as yet again I am blamed for something that I explicitly said I don’t care about. And you decide because I have no opinion.
Could it be because decision making is hard and you end up telling your partner that you a) don’t care about what they care about b) leave them hanging when they might need help to decide c) they end up having decision fatigue because you don’t have an opinion? Sometimes, a consultation or just a talk about something one tries to make a decision on feels good, doing it all by yourself sucks.
Let’s say you don’t care what hotel she books. She ends up doing all the research on hotels. Presents you with it, pros and cons. You still say you don’t care. Ok, so now the burden of choice is solely on her. You guys arrive, the hotel sucks. Can’t you see that this is frustrating in a different way than if the two of you decided on the hotel together?
Your example ends with the man realizing that he actually did care about the hotel when in reality he would have probably said something like “oh well, we’re only going to be here a few hours and we’ll be unconscious for most of them”. That is what it means when someone says they don’t care. They’re not hiding their true feelings from you just to be annoying.
If you are tired of making decisions tell the other person to book the hotel. Most laid back people will be fine with that. Just don’t complain if that ends with you not getting what you wanted.
I have actually thought it might be misinterpreted because it’s vague in that sentence - no, I don’t mean that the guy thinks the hotel sucks. He still doesn’t care. But his wife thinks it sucks and she is solely responsible for her choice. In a partnership.
Most likely, when confronted with her dislike, he would not be comforting her like “honey, it’s ok, you picked a nice hotel, I don’t think it’s bad at all”, but just be like “look, it doesn’t matter, we’ll just sleep here”. Basically invalidating her feelings and experiences.
The point I am trying to make is: if you are in a committed relationship you sometimes have to care, have an opinion, help with decisions, even if it was something that you usually don’t care about. But saying “I don’t care about the outcome of something that you care about” is definitely neither kind nor loving and devastating in the long run.
Well, those are two totally different finishes. One is gloss or semi-gloss, and the other is matte.
semi-gloss
Oh my fucking god the word is “satin” are you fucking insane that’s it I’m staying at my mum’s tonight
The undertones and finish on the swatch card are completely different to what is on the wall.
I see a warm pinky peach undertone and a satin matte finish on the card. The wall has a cool blue green undertone and a semi gloss/satin finish.
A whole wall in the colour and finish on the swatch card will reflect light in a very different way to what the current colour does and have a much nicer ambience for a home.
The ten of us that can tell the difference might as well be screaming in to the void my similarly photosensitive friend.
My wife can’t see the difference in the colors of the lights on the Christmas tree, and bought two different brands. There’s not enough of either brand to sufficiently light the tree so I have to get creative with the cooler lights.
Drives me absolutely NUTS.
I actually had a very similar situation. After painting the same wall three times in three different colours I told her to fuck off and painted it white.
The verbiage you need is … “I’m telling you right now that I don’t care. Whatever choice you make is fine with me. Can we agree that this choice is yours and if it fucks up I hold no blame. I will not blame you for your choice because as I said I don’t care.” This of course applies to both men and women.
