Always burn the bridge and go full nuclear. No matter how small the issue.

Not only did I accidentally break up your marriage 12 years ago, I’m also incredibly abrasive, smell like I’ve not showered in several days, and when I visit your house I always remove the toilet paper roll and make sure to put it the opposite direction when I put it back into the holder. And I hissed at your cat.

Might as well be guilty of the accusations of you can’t get out of them.